I have always found that statement, or that song revolting, as if the horse becomes a beast of burden carrying around, or pulling the load in the relationship.  Okay, some might surmise, the horse is pulling the carriage forward, as if someone in a romantic relationship pulls the other in the relationship forward, but still I don’t relate to that.

I am a giver, and I used to date takers, and that was a great dynamic for me when I was trying to play it safe, and be unavailable (hence dating unavailable men) Oh…and if I love him enough he will change…can you relate?  When I began to give to myself, and learned the fine art of self love, I began to attract more givers in my life, and as I mastered it, I met my husband, and it is our great joy to give to one another, to be a team, to be in an egalitarian relationship (A perfectly synchronized team, Like riding a tandem bike!)  Now don’t get me wrong, some of our giving is delightful and easy, but some of our giving feels uncomfortable.  We always have each other’s back & hold each other in our highest good, when one of us is afraid to do something (like public speaking, or jump out of an airplane, or share our true feelings) the other one does not listen to the fear talk (the reason why we shouldn’t do it) the partner supports the other in achieving their highest good, by embracing and surpassing their fears, and those conversations aren’t always pretty, but ultimately deepen the individual and the partnership collectively.

How are you in relationships?  Are you the horse?  The Carriage?  Are you riding tandem?

February 9th, 2010 | Category: Love & Relationships | Leave a comment

I love this phrase, because it is so succinct in all relationships of life.  Whether your communicating in business or romantic partnership, people say things, and their behavior relates something else, or other than what they say.

February 8th, 2010 | Category: Love & Relationships | Leave a comment

Recently, I have been counseling some of my close women friends about the state of their romantic lives.  Two in particular, are coming out of long term, un-fulfilling relationships.  What I mean by un-fulfilled is, they were not having their hearts desires met.  One of my friends has been dating a guy for 4.5 years, a revolving door relationship because the guy would not commit to a lifetime partnership status with her.  Of course you are wondering, why did she stay?  She is VERY attractive, financially solvent, and independent, why would she remain in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling her needs?

The other friend, is also a beautiful, intelligent, a spiritually gifted sage, and why did she stay in a 7 year relationship with a man who was not the reflection of where she stands today?

They were both always waiting for the phone calls, the flowers, the romantic getaways that never happened, or if they did, as soon as they got back home, it was back to the normal status of the relationship; non commitment, the marriage that never happens.

This is not to make the men wrong, we love our spiritual brothers, and they are part of who we are as a universal whole.

My answer to why these 2 women stayed in long term unrequited relationships is: lack of self love.  These two women had met these guys when they were beginning to discover self care practices, when they were discovering that they could love themselves, believe the truth about themselves that they were worthy of whatever their hearts desire is.  When they did not love themselves well, these relationships fit well, because they were non-nurturing, they were unavailable, and it kept the two women in a place of safety.  They didn’t have to really show their vulnerability.  Their feelings were sequestered within their hearts.

Then they began their work (with me, but also using other counsel & modalities) and just like when you are walking down the street with a tiny pebble in your shoe, at first you just deal with it, you keep on walking, but then eventually it starts to irritate your foot, and you need to STOP and pluck it out, now you shoe is free and clear to walk on a smooth path, and you feel much for comfortable, because you took care of yourself, you didn’t allow yourself to walk in pain any more.

These two relationships melted away, and though pain was felt (I liken it to growing pain, because whenever you move through something emotionally, it’s like your hearts bursts through the egoic restraints) and you feel it physically, in your heart, in your bones, these two women embraced themselves, knowing that whatever their hearts desire is, that they deserve to have it, simply because they desire it.  Self love is, making sure that all of your needs are met; it’s nourishing yourself with whatever you need to realize your own divinity. 

So stop waiting around for someone else to buy you flowers, or give you the affection you crave go out & buy your own, and while you are at it get a massage!

February 5th, 2010 | Category: Love & Relationships | Leave a comment

October 29th, 2009 | Category: Business Transformation | Leave a comment